Someone I cared for deeply committed suicide yesterday.
Suicide. The End.
The Ultimate, Painful End, for him as well as for us.
It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t private. It wasn’t pretty.
We had no idea he was suffering so deeply. None.
His suffering is over. Over.
I’ve heard the words ‘saddened by his death’ batted about. All well-intentioned, just nothing I’d equate with suicide. Not even close. Suicide is not something I’m not ‘saddened’ by. I'm choosing devastated. Pain at the core of my Being. World upside-down. Grief-stricken. Immobilized. Sick to my stomach about the suffering that must have led to it. Sick to my stomach about The Act.
Please, not one more...
One of the dearest, most loving, most tender, most creative, most talented and generous people I have EVER known. Someone who had saved plenty of lives and souls himself, over and over, again and again, for those he believed in and cared about.
Suffering. Feeling unworthy. Unloved. Done. Gone. Over. Bereft.
Sadly, I am experienced with suicide. Suicide and I became closely acquainted when I was very young. Family. Tragically, again and again, family, people I’ve loved, people at the center of my world. My kids' worlds. The World's world.
The imprint is forever; indelible.
There is a message I am surely wanting to convey. This is it, raw and true. For each person reading this, it will strike differently. I want that.
Please, not one more...
You Beautiful Soul. You’ll always be with us. Your impact on our lives will be with us forever.
We love you, we'll miss you. You are part of our Soul Family forever.